Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Athena, and I am writing to introduce myself to you. I graduated from the School of the Arts (SOTA), where I had done the international baccalaureate(IB) program. There I enjoyed studying higher-level physics and math, which led to my choosing to pursue engineering, specifically mechanical as it has a wide array of potential career paths, and I did not want to limit my options.
In terms of hobbies, I have a strong passion for music. Music is an integral part of my life and I often spend my free time composing music or playing my two instruments, the Zhongruan and the piano. Even as I start on my path into engineering, the thought of a less music-centric life unsettles me, and I remain uncertain about leaving it behind.
One of my communication strengths is my ability to communicate with people from various backgrounds. As an ex-music student, I get the opportunity to meet many people. When in various Chinese orchestras, I got to befriend diverse individuals. On top of that, my part-time job as a piano teacher also allows me to communicate with young children and parents, further diversifying the people I interact with. Be it talking to young children or working adults, I can still communicate despite their different backgrounds.
However, a weakness is my inability to articulate my thoughts. Compared to my peers, I do not speak as eloquently as them. They can find precise and relevant vocabulary to articulate their thoughts on complex topics. On the other hand, I can only provide a rudimentary overview, with inferior word choices. My inability to organise my thoughts coherently further aggravates the problem.
My primary goal is to improve my word choice which I hope can allow me to communicate more effectively and precisely. My second goal is to gain confidence, as it has been noted that I often appear hesitant. For example, when talking to students’ parents, I do not seem certain which reduces their trust in me. I hope to gain the confidence that allows people to put their trust and believe in me.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter and I look forward to further honing my communication skills in your course.
Sincerely,
Athena
Edited: 25 Sept, commented on Jack, Jia Le, Deivesh
Hello Athena, it was nice reading your letter, it honestly made myself know you a little more just from this passage itself. I loved how you have outside experience as a piano teacher, i'm sure that role itself has pushed you past your comfort zone, in order for yourself to communicate to the parents of your kids. I have noticed slight improvements since your day1 in communication class, in terms of the way you portrayed yourself when you talk and your confidence level as you speak. Keep up the good work and i'm sure you will excel along the way!
ReplyDeletethanks for leaving feedback
DeleteThank you, Athena, for this well organized, detailed letter. I really appreciate the way you do a deep dive into the part played in your life by music. You even use that as a springboard for the discussion about your comm skills.
ReplyDeleteAs for areas to improve, one would be sentence structure. Look at these examples:
-- There I enjoyed studying higher-level physics and math, which led to my choosing to pursue engineering. Specifically mechanical as it has a wide array of potential career paths, and I did not want to limit my options. > (fragment)
There I enjoyed studying higher-level physics and math, which led to my choosing to pursue engineering, specifically mechanical as it has a wide array of potential career paths, and I did not want to limit my options.
-- Here's another example:
Compared to my peers, I find they speak more eloquently. > (Compared to my peers, I do X.) ?
You've done a fine job in this post responding to the assignment and illustrating who you are. I look forward to getting to know even more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Hi Athena, your love for music and how it intertwines with your engineering journey is fascinating! Your ability to connect with diverse communities through music is truly intriguing. Your letter is well-organized and effectively conveys your goals and aspirations for better communication. I hope that this course will provide the platform to enhance your articulation and boost your confidence.
ReplyDeletethanks for the insightful feedback
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